A Spacious Place

2010-11-02T16:32:00.008-04:00

Amish Economy, Wendell Berry

   We live by mercy if we live.
To that we have no fit reply
But working well and giving thanks,
Loving God, loving one another,
To keep Creation's neighborhood.

And my friend David Kline told me,
"It falls strangely on Amish ears,
This talk of how you find yourself.
We Amish, after all don't try
To find ourselves. We try to lose
Ourselves"--and thus are lost within
The found world of sunshine and rain
Where fields are green and then are ripe,
And the people eat together by
The charity of God, who is kind
Even to those who give no thanks.

In morning light, men in dark clothes
Go out among the beasts and fields.
Lest the community be lost
Each day they must work out the bond
Between the goods and their price: the garden
Weeded by sweat is flowerbright;
The wheat shocked in shorn fields, clover
Is growing where wheat grew; the crib
Is golden with the gathered corn,

While in the world of the found selves,
Lost to the sunlit rainy world,
The motor-driven cannot stop.
This is the world where value is
Abstract, and preys on things, and things
Are changed to thoughts that have a price.
Cost + greed - fear = price:
Maury Telleen thus laid it out.
The need to balance greed and fear
Affords no stopping place, no rest
And need increases as we fail.

But now, in summer dusk, a man
Whose hair and beard curl like spring ferns
Sits under the yard trees, at rest
His smallest daughter on his lap.
This is because he rose at dawn,
   Cared for his own, helped his neighbors,
   Worked much, spent little, kept his peace.

I love Wendell Berry ....this poem has had me thinking all week.  How often I run
around like crazy and make things more difficult than they need to be.I do not want
to live in a world that affords no stopping place. I want to fix these words in my
mind this week as I care for my family....

Poetry Wednesday

Lay down your burdens

2010-04-21T04:57:00.002-04:00

It is early morning and I am tired and frustrated. I have spent the last two nights tossing and turning unable to sleep. I keep worrying about all kind of things. My life is busy right now, my oldest three are in a musical and the next three weeks consist of late nights and long days of rehearsals. I have many details to work out, a messy house, and unfinished home school lessons. I chatted with a lady yesterday who told me her family had completed all their home school lessons and would be done next week. That immediately made my heart sink. That is not our reality here at the Brown home school. I worry about changes ahead , my eldest has one more year of high school, we have been talking about colleges. I want with all my heart for him to do what God wants for his life, and I also want with all my heart for him never to grow up! Church changes, relationship changes, loneliness, missing Julie. I toss and turn in bed , running things over in my mind. Like some mental hamster wheel. Worry, prayer, worry , prayer, lay it down , pick it up. What seems manageable in the daytime seems overwhelming at night.
So I get up and make a cup of tea and read Isaiah. The verses I have underlined and read over and over again. It is an often traveled path.

In repentance and rest is your salvation
in quietness and trust is your strength (Is. 30:15)

Surely this our God, we trusted in Him and he saved us (Is 25:9)
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you (Is 26:3)

There are so many more verses. Often at times like this I long for a quiet space , I want to freeze frame my life and have a space of time to think, order my world. But I never have big chunks of time and life is always like this. I want to leran to find peace and joy in the midst of this season and the many seasons that will come. These verses encourage me and bring my focus where it needs to be on Him. I may need to read them again in 10 minutes.
So I will rest, and trust and lay down these burdens. I will keep coming back to these words as many times as I need to and I will pray.

Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child
Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child

Cause I can walk on water ..
Calm a restless sea
I've done a thousand things you've never done
And I'm really watching
While you struggle on your way
Call on my name, Ill com

I give vision to the blind
I can raise the dead
I've seen the darker side of hell
And I've returned
I've seen those sleepless night
And Count every tear you cry
Some lessons hurt to learn

Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child
Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child
-Amy Grant

Giving Thanks

2010-04-19T21:21:00.004-04:00

I desire....

to live joyfully,

to live intentionally,

to live simply,

to live with love and peace.

not worrying about the things I cannot control. Praying about them instead.

I am grateful today for......

186. great friends
187. twenty plus years of shared memories and laughter
188. the warm Arizona sun
189. my wonderful mother in law
190. coming home
191. my own bed
192. family prayer
193. kindred spirits (my friend Lisa)
194. spring in Michigan
195. His grace sufficient for me.

Multitude Monday

2010-04-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.(Khalil Gibran)

Praise the Lord , O my soul : all my inmost being praise His holy name . Praise the Lord , O my soul and forget not all His benfits (Ps. 103:1,2)

Some mornings I wake up and think "another day" and then my mind starts listing all the things I have to get done today. I get out of bed and do not even give thanks for the fact that I have been given another day to live, breathe, love. I forget His benefits. We take so many things for granted in this life we lead. So today I give thanks to the giver of life, love and all blessings.

177. flowers blooming

178. green grass

179. a nice chat with a dear friend

180. forgiveness of sins (He does not treat our sins as they deserve-Ps. 103:10)

181. The first trip of the year to Dairy Corner for ice cream

182. A rainy day, a big couch filled with family, five hours of Pride and Prejudice while eating homemade short bread

183. Me, not worrying that math was not getting done (see above)

184. beauty

185. another day to love and love

Silence

2010-04-07T08:10:00.000-04:00

Grant me Lord, to hold fast to what is good by the power of your love. Preserve my every word and act that corrupts the soul, and from every impulse that is unpleasing in your sight and harmful to the people around me. Teach me what I should say and how I should speak. If it be your holy will that I be quiet and make no answer , inspire me to be silent in a peaceful spirit that causes neither harm nor hurt to my fellow human beings. Father Sophrony

This is a prayer I repeated several times today.....today was a day I would not want to repeat. But by His mercy God gave me this difficult day with hard hearts, arguing, and complaining to help me to grow. I am praying for a quiet soft heart and mouth. To pray before I speak. I make a Gratitude list , but shouldn't days like today be on that list? Days that stretch me and drive me to my Father's arms in prayer? So Thank you Lord for today ......help me to remember that all is grace.

Restoring Discipline

2010-03-24T12:00:00.000-04:00

Restore: to rebuild and renew, or to bring back into existence.

There are five children in my house, all different ages , all different personalities, so there is much correction and training that goes on at our house. Discipline is a vital part of parenting. I am always thinking and praying about how to train my children. Here are some things I have been pondering;
When a wrecking ball is used to demolish a house, the purpose is to destroy, and there is no hope to rebuild. It is violent. Is my response to the children's sin similar? Do I use a wrecking ball when I discipline? Or do I use a restorative tool? A carpenter who restores an old home does it gently and carefully. The goal is not to destroy but to bring beauty and restoration. It is slow. It is tedious. However, the carpenter sees a promise of beauty and purpose. Proceeding carefully, so as to not crack or ruin what is precious and rare, his progress is slow.
How do I respond to my children, these unique and precious gifts from God? Does my discipline resemble the ruthless machine? I admit I am a wrecking ball at times. I crash in, not wanting to hear the whole story, angry or annoyed, and thoroughly tired of dealing with the same issues. I am quick to judge. My wrecking ball responses are seldom restorative. We may have a "right" to be upset, and it is our job to correct, but it is not our job to destroy. Our God restores, He does not strike me with lightening when I sin. He sees the beauty in me, and gently refreshes me.
I want to be a restoring mother. I want to use tools that restore, not rip apart. Kindness, gentleness, understanding, physical touch, and forgiveness, these are the things I need. I may not wreck very often, but am I careful? I don't want to even crack what is special. So, what am I doing to crack those precious ones? There are some things I am not aware, but there are many things I am aware of. Impatience, hurry, business, all these things give me less time to restore. Jesus, the master carpenter, was a restorer. He had compassion, told story after story, met physical needs, and was always pointing to the Father. Am I restoring with hope? Do I see the beauty under the bad attitude? I admit I often feel like some behavioral issues will never change. I need to pray for the grace fix my eyes on what is unseen (2 Cor. 4:18), believing that we are always being changed, all of us, into His likeness (2 Cor.3:18).

This is what I want for my home, my children, myself. A place of restoration, a place to rebuild, renew. This is my prayer, that I will be gentle and restore with hope.

These thoughts were sparked by a great devotional given to me by my dear friend Kathy:
Whiter Than Snow: Meditations on Sin and Mercy by Paul David Tripp.

Psalm 23:3
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Psalm 80:3
Restore us, O God make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.

Isaiah 57:18
I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him,

Zechariah 10:6
I will strengthen the house of Judah and save the house of Joseph. I will restore them because I have compassion on them. They will be as though I had not rejected them, for I am the LORD their God and I will answer them.

1 Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

from the archives

Thoughts

2010-03-12T07:14:00.000-05:00

Things I am pondering and praying about today...

Four Steps That lead to Peace
1. Be desirous of doing the will of another , rather than thine own
2. Chose always to have less, rather than more
3. Seek always the lowest place, and to be inferior to every one.
4. Wish always , and pray that the will of God may be wholly fulfilled in thee.
- from Stepping Heavenward ., E. Prentiss ( a book I am reading with Anna)

And this....
Seek nothing for yourself
Stand ready to serve
in quietness,demanding nothing, expecting nothing
sacrificing and praying without anyone knowing
Silence

Silence
Silence
(from island of the World, Michael D. O'Brien)

Love Steeped in Silence

2010-03-10T07:24:00.000-05:00

On Silence:
First ,silence makes us pilgrims
Secondly, silence guards the fire within
Thirdly, silence teaches us to speak
-Henri Nouwen

I wrote the post below awhile back, it is good for me to revisit these thoughts as I contemplate silence this Lenten season. I would say that silence, outer and inner silence, teaches me to listen.....

It all started with a flood. Actually it started before the flood. I have limped though this past year picking up burdens, letting joy seep out of me, tired and weary. I had big plans for the weekend. David was going to take the kids away for the weekend and I was going to plan, pray, and map out my course for the next year. The house would be quiet and clutter free. And then our basement flooded. The house was noisy: 19 large industrial fans and dehumidifiers blowing 24/7. And messy: all the basement stuff everywhere, and the house filled with all sorts of people. I had a big pity party the first night, then I remembered that my heavenly Father knows what I need, and based on what happened, I did not need a weekend alone. I did spend some time praying and thinking and feeling like God just wants me to rest in him and wait on Him. I do not wait well. I like to plan, to have life all figured out. I had the book "Sacrament of the Present Moment" on my bedside table for some time, so I decided it was time to pick it up. With the book before me, I began to read and pray.

God speaks to us through what happens to us moment by moment. Our single duty is to fix our eyes on Him listen and obey.

So we leave God to act in everything reserving ourselves only to love and obedience of the present moment. For this is our eternal duty , this compelling love steeped in silence is required of every soul.

Compelling love steeped in silence, that line has stirred my soul. I am a person who does not like noise, it wearies me. I live in a house with a lot of noise. I often say: "No unnecessary noise!"

I realized that I have been weighed down with too heavy of a yoke, by allowing the daily burdens to become big, by not trusting Him to act in every moment. My love for Him has not been steeped in silence, but filled with the noise of the endless chatter that goes on in my head: voices of doubt, fatigue, plans, solutions. My cry has been "Lord , help me, show me." Then I resume the inner dialogue of what I think seems best. It is not like I have stood up and defiantly said "No, God, I will not listen." I have slowly drifted and carried a burden I was not intended to carry. How did I get here? When did I stop listening? It is not a solution I am seeking but a relationship, with a fixed gaze on the beloved of my soul.

Pure and simple, and sure, it is a straight path along which souls walk with courage and faith , looking neither to the left or the right , unconcerned with everything else....in short they are active in everything needed for the fulfilment of their duty in the present moment, but passive, submissive and self forgetting in everything else only meekly waiting on the divine will..

I read this and tears spring up and I think "That's it? That is all I have to do? I can lay down this burden that has cramped and pinched my soul and be like a child and take no thought for tomorrow because it is in my father's hands? I can let him carry the burden?" If His will for me is in the present moment, I am grieved to think of all I have missed, what have I not heard because I was thinking about tomorrow or next week. How many times have I looked at a loved one pretending to listen but my mind racing thinking of something else? How many times have I sought direction from books or blogs and not listened to Him in the moment? So I am trying to be more intentional with my present moments, for example a conversation with my teenage son in the early morning over tea. Moments such as these are truly sacred. God is here in this moment showing me the heart of my child. This moment is sacred, I can never get it back. It is filled with purpose, His purpose for me.

The hour through which you are at present passing, the man whom you meet here and now, the task on which you are engaged at this very moment- these are always the most important in your whole life.- Paul Evdokimov

So here I am trying trying by His grace to love with a love that is steeped in silence in these important moments in my life....

....this is my prayer....

....this is my hope....

Happy Birthday to Anna and David

2010-03-07T13:11:00.005-05:00

Happy Birthday to two of the biggest blessings in my life, my husband and best friend and also my lovely daughter. They share a birthday! (You can check out Anna's birthday post here
I have many reasons to be grateful today for these blessings God has put in my life...
166. for Anna's sweet nature
167. her willingness to help
168. her beautiful piano playing
169. her love for the Lord and our family
170. her continual smiling face (every family needs one sunny disposition!)
171. for my husband and how hard he works for our family
172. His love and faith for our Lord
173. He is a great dad
174. He is my best friend
175. He has made me laugh every single day that I have known him (since we were 16) even on the worst of days he always makes me laugh, what a gift that is.
Happy Birthday to you both! I love you!

The Seed

2010-03-03T08:15:00.000-05:00

I am the seed

So small, so dry,

Lifted in the hand

Of the silent Sower.

Into the earth

I fearfully fall,

Darkness covers me,

Silence surrounds me.

The terror of my heart

Is the only sound

To keep me company.

All that is me

Huddles together

Trying desperately

Not to surrender

Any part of the self.

“Why was I planted?”
I cry out.

“Why am I here?”

I entreat.

“Take me out into the light;

I cannot bear

This deathly dark.”

I weary. I weaken.

The days become long.

I can no longer fight.

I surrender

In this lonely place

Of waiting.

Quietly I sense

A penetrating warmth;

It surrounds me;

It fills me

And blesses my pain.

In a moment

Of peacefulness

I forget my fear.

I let go of my self

And suddenly

The husk that holds me

Weakens and breaks.

“No!” I scream.

I am losing my self,

But it is too late.

The husk is cracked;

I cannot be contained.

It is then

That I sense a power

Deep inside of me,

Encouraging me,

“Let go. Let go. Let go.”

It is an energy

That pushes the husk

Until it falls away.

As it slips aside

My eyes behold color.

Ah! Can it be?

A tiny glimpse of green!

“How could that be?”
I marvel,

“There was never green

In the heart of me.”

Yet, it is there;

Each day

It slowly stretches upwards

To where the warm

Seems to be.

I become less of a seed.

I am losing my self.

But the pain I once knew

Is lost in surprise;

Something wonderful

Deep within my heart

Is greening and growing.

Days go quickly now.

I become one

With the small stem of life.

Oh! The glorious moment

When, ah, breath of Spring

Fast fills my face.

I move through the hard earth

And taste the world which awaits my arrival.

From within my tender shoot

Comes a soft sound.

I listen. I hear.

It is a song to the Sower:

O Sower of seeds,

Did you always see

The gift of green

That was hiding in me?

O Sower of seeds,

How came you to praise

The beauty within

That I hid from my eyes?

O Sower of seeds,

The husk has been broken;

All praise to you

For helping me open.

Accept now my praise

My thankfulness, too,

For the seed you have sown

And the gift you grew.

May you lead me to others

Who await your good word,

So the seed within them

Can awaken and be heard.

Amen! Alleluia!

-Joyce Rupp

Fasting from food is not the only way to hunger. I hunger for God when I empty myself of my own agenda, ideas, and strength. I learn to die, to let Him put me in the darkness and let him grow me into what He wants me to be. I often hunger for God, but grab the first thing that glitters as an easy way out. It is hard to wait to be filled, so I feast on food that does not satisfy.

Is 55: Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest fare.

I need to wait and listen, to be still and let him fill me...

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Is.30:15

Memorials

2010-03-01T07:26:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, I had a conversation with a friend about homeschooling. She asked how I was able to get everything done. I admitted the simple truth: I don't do all the things I would like to. She then asked me, "How do you sleep at night?" It was an innocent question, asked by a woman who knows how this job of motherhood is never ending. I answered with a heartfelt reply, about how I really had to trust God for sleep. We ended our conversation and I did not think much more about it.
However, that night in bed, when sleep eluded me again, I immediately started thinking about all the things I did not get done, all the ways this child or that one needed to improve. I was pondering about how tired I always seem to be, and how there are so many of them and just one of me. I discovered that I was not able to sleep that night because I let anxiety rule.

In the light of day, it was easy to reign in my thoughts and give them to God. It was a warm spring day after a bitter Michigan winter, so all eight of us were able to escape to the park across the street. I was watching my children; my fourteen year old nephew playing spies with my eight year old, the two older girls were entertaining the little girls, and my eldest asking if he could take a walk with me so we could talk. (A sixteen year old boy who wants to talk to his mom!) Sunshine, laughter, and everyone was having fun. I was intensely grateful, and the anxiety of the night was gone.
I thought of all the memorials the Israelites built. Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and Joshua, they constructed altars or memorials to God. This day was such a blessing, a memorial that I needed to write down and come back to. The sun will not always be shining, we won't always get along , and the hard days will come. When they do, it will be so easy for me to forget the wonderful ones, and difficult to forget the not-so-good.

It is so easy to look at the mess around you, the bad attitudes, the things that never seem to get done, and to forget all the good God has done for you. So simple to focus on what is not important, and all those thoughts that matter to the world, but shouldn't be vital to us.

Lord, help me to remember the memorials you put before me, help me to be grateful and to see you in everything.

Today I am thankful for these memorials:

148. A wedding picture on the wall that reminds me of 23 years with my husband

149. Baby pictures in the hallway

150. Rocks from the beach where we have vacationed for 12 years

151. Pictures of my sister Julie

152. A folder filled with cards from friends

154. Shelves of great books I have read to the kids

155. Recipes written by the hand of a friend or relative

157.Pictures on my screen saver, showing a life of friends, family and memories

158. Kids with better memories than me that say "Mom, remember when...."

159. A Bible, underlined and written in, reminding me of all His promises I have held on to

160. the faces that sit around our dinner table every night reminding me of how He has blessed me (He settles the barren woman in her home, as a happy mother of children, Praise the Lord Ps.113:9)

Joshua 4:2-9
"Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, from right where the priests stood, and to carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight."
So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."
So the Israelites did as Joshua commanded them. They took twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, as the LORD had told Joshua; and they carried them over with them to their camp, where they put them down. Joshua set up the twelve stones that had been in the middle of the Jordan at the spot where the priests who carried the ark of the covenant had stood. And they are there to this day.

Learning To Die (Lent)

2010-02-24T06:50:00.001-05:00

All along I thought I was learning how to take,

How to bend not how to break

How to live ,not how to cry

But really I've been learning how to die

I've been learning how to die.' "

-Jon Foreman

Learning How To Die. . .. All of life is learning to die. This dying to self we do everyday. Letting God chip away at our hearts of stone to give us hearts of flesh.

Ezekiel 11:19 (New International Version)
"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."

Hearts that sing for Him and not for ourselves. . . I have been thinking about all of this during this season and past Lenten seasons. Lent is a journey, a dying to self. I always start strong, ready on my own power to fast, pray, and give. Fasting shows what controls us, yet also creates in us a hunger for God. But in the middle of Lent( or earlier) I hit a low, my own self sufficiency crumbles and I want to give up.

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. (Gal 5:16-17)

Why fast anyway? Many people don't. Then the justification starts. Fasting reveals much in me. . . I spend time thinking about what I want to eat, or what I cannot eat, wondering if a blueberry muffin is dessert or bread. I am not trying to be legalistic. Eating is not a sin, but fasting reveals sinfulness in me. My first instinct with all my sins is the need to justify myself. Or I feel like just giving up, and giving in to my selfishness. I have so many times found myself inconstant, not keeping firmly to my purpose, all because I am trying to do this on my own strength. I read this recently;

Fasting is an expression of love and devotion in which one sacrifices earthly satisfaction to obtain the heavenly. Altogether too much of one's thoughts are taken up with care for sustanence and the enticement of the palate; one wishes to be free from them. Thus fasting is a step on the road to emancipation and an indispensable support in the struggle against selfish desires. Together with prayer, fasting is one of our greatest gifts. (The Way of the Ascetics, Tito Colliander)

Fasting should take something out of us and make room for Him. What I realize on this journey is that I need Him. I need to look to the Lord as my strength. I cannot do any of this on my own. He came and gave His life for me. If I am spending all my fasting time thinking about what I cannot eat, I am completely missing the point. It seems that there is so much in life that presses us down and crowds God out.

So by giving up, what am I making room for? For Christ , by fasting I am becoming less so He can become more. I am also making room for...

Gratitude: When I am hungry, I should be thankful for the food I have, and that I have never had to watch my child go hungry. I take this for granted. I need to remember that so many people around this world are hungry, need to pray for them, to try and help them.

Love: When I give up something like the Internet, or business, it should create in me a quiet heart, one that listens and looks with love into the eyes of my family. Isn't it interesting that I shoo away a child because I am on the Internet reading a blog on motherhood?

Trust: Giving up spending money develops a heart of trust in me. He does provide all that we need.

Humility: Apart from Him I can do nothing.

John 15:5 (New International Version)
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

The song says learning to bend and not to break, but to break is what I want, to learn to die to myself, and to become less so He can become more.

3:30 (New International Version)
"He must become greater; I must become less."

John

John 12:24 (New International Version)
"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."

(photo of winter sunset over Lake Michigan taken by Anna)

2010-02-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

I am an avid reader, a fan of books from when I was little. I remember going into the library at my school and being filled with angst when I could only check out three books. I used to hide the books I wanted to get the next time I came! I remember sitting after lunch and listening to my 4th grade teacher read one chapter of Tom Sawyer , the longing for just one more chapter. I have always read to my kids. Piles and piles of books. I have a list of essentials that I try to structure my days around . Reading aloud is one of those essentials. It gets harder to do as the kids get older. It is hard to read aloud to five children ages 17-4. At times I let it go by the wayside for awhile, but when I feel our family ties are frayed a bit ,I always start reading again. It is not just hearing a good story, reading unites us as a family. There is so much in this world that tries to divide us. Yes, a 17 year old teenage boy and a 4 year old little girl (and all the ages between ) can sit and listen together to The Life of Helen Keller, The Hobbit, Little Britches. I like to think that when the teenagers are no longer here, the little ones will have memories of sitting with their bigger siblings and reading. It is not always easy, we have many distractions but I continue to do it. Sometimes in long stretches,sometimes in short. Reading good books does so much for us. I am reading an excellent book about reading "Read for the Heart" by Sarah Clarkson. I want to give this book to every mom I know! Sarah says we "read to live." Reading awakens our hearts, gives us a strong mind, a steadfast soul. She goes on to recommend the best books for any age level, great living books that feed our soul. Great books that show us beauty, and ultimately point us to God.

So I encourage you to grab a good book , make some hot chocolate and read to your kids ,the big ones and little ones.......

THE READING MOTHER
Strickland Gillilan
I HAD A MOTHER who read to me

Sagas of pirates who scoured the sea,

Cutlasses clenched in their yellow teeth,

"Blackbirds" stowed in the hold beneath

I had a Mother who read me lays

Of ancient and gallant and golden days;

Stories of Marmion and Ivanhoe,

Which every boy has a right to know.

I had a Mother who read me tales

Of Celert the hound of the hills of Wales,

True to his trust till his tragic death,

Faithfulness blent with his final breath.

I had a Mother who read me the things

That wholesome life to the boy heart brings

Stories that stir with an upward touch,

Oh, that each mother of boys were such.

You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be --I had a Mother who read to me.

Forgiveness

2010-02-17T07:10:00.000-05:00

This Sunday was Forgiveness Sunday in the Orthodox church. It is a time when a person stands in a line and asks everyone else in the line to forgive him for the sins he has committed against them. They in turn say something similar to "I forgive you as God forgives you." Some even prostrate themselves before each person. Everyone does this with each other person, one long line of forgiveness. This is my loose understanding of this, as we are not Orthodox.
Today we decided to do this in our Sunday morning prayer time. We said some prayers and stood in line to ask forgiveness of each other. The tears sprang into my eyes at the start. There is something amazing and humbling about looking into the eyes of someone you live with and asking their forgiveness. Typically, my forgiveness goes like this.... "Do you forgive me for getting angry at you? But I was tired, you disobeyed, etc., etc." Forgiveness with a foot note. But as I stood before the people I love the most in my life the tears started coming. I put my hands on each person's face and looked into each pair of eyes and asked "Do you forgive me for all the sins I have commited against you?" Six pairs of eyes , down the line I went. Hazel eyes, blue eyes, chocolate brown eyes. "Do you forgive me?" I say to my son, who has become a man and stands taller than me. He probably has the most to forgive, because he has been around the longest. "Do you forgive me?" I say to my beautiful daughter, who is so kind , helpful and cheerful. I know I take her for granted sometimes. Looking into the eyes of the person I love the most, my husband, "Do you forgive me??" The deep brown eyes of my two little girls whom , although I did not give birth to them, I love deeply and I know I do not always show it. The hazel eyes of the little boy that makes me laugh the most. He has a strong personality and an equally tender heart, that I know I trample on that sometimes. They all say , "Yes, Mom, we forgive you." They forgive so easily. They do not realize all they have to forgive, the inner thoughts, struggles , irritations, and anger that I have harbored at times. I love these dear ones more than anyone, and they are the ones I need forgiveness from the most. These are the ones that see me working out my salvation with fear and trembling in the walls of this house and in the framework of our daily life.

I am so thankful to have the opportunity to walk the path to Christ with this family, we help each other on this path. Tomorrow, tonight, probably in the next hour there will be something else to forgive. Help me Lord on this journey....

O Lord and Master of my life,

Grant not unto me a spirit of idleness,

of discouragement,

of lust for power

and of vain speaking.
But bestow upon me, Thy servant,

the spirit of chastity,

of meekness,

of patience,

and of love.
Yea, O Lord and King,

grant that I may perceivemy own transgressions,

and judge not my brother,

for blessed art Thou unto ages of ages. Amen.

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

(St. Ephraim)

Col. 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

-this post is from the archives

Julie

2010-02-15T03:49:00.004-05:00

I am not sure if I really want to write this post. Today is not an easy day for me. Four years ago today, my sweet and beautiful sister died in my arms. She was 37, and died of lung cancer. Julie was a non-smoker. She left behind 2 children and a husband. She left me behind too. I never know how to approach this time of year. Do I celebrate her life? Yes, of course, but my mind goes to those last days and it is hard not to think of that. Grief is hard, it does not go away. It changes, but it stays. I often hold grief close to me-not knowing what to do with it.
Julie and I were 2 years apart, and I am the older sister. But we had a special connection, like twins. We were knit together at the soul, and I miss her terribly. She was hands-down one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. Near the end of her life we were chatting about the fact that we would soon be separated, but we always pictured ourselves growing old, eating candy, laughing, and embarrassing our kids together. We did not think it would end this soon. Julie made the comment that although our life together was shorter than we planned, it had been a wonderful journey together, Yes it was. I look forward to seeing her someday and spending forever with her. So today I want to give thanks for the amazing gift of a sister, a soul mate and a friend,

136. She could make me laugh no matter what

137. She was always in my corner

138. She loved my kids and always pointed me to the positive

139. She was the only person I could shop with (I hate to shop)

140. She understood me

141. She was so very funny

142. Nobody could beat us at Pictionary (we had this telepathy thing going)

143. She gave me perspective

144. She was a great mother

145. An amazing aunt

146. A wonderful friend

147. She was beautiful

In Memory of Julie
Photo: 9/2005 on vacation

Poetry Wednesday

2010-02-10T07:50:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking about finding beauty in the ordinary, because that is what most of my life is,ordinary, Day in and day out, cooking, cleaning , laundry, homeschooling. It is not always easy to find that beauty, I need to be mindful. That is why I love this poem my favorite line is "to instruct myself over and ever in joy" it goes nicely with the book I recently finished "Dancing With My Father."

Mindful

-Mary Oliver

Every day

I see or hear

something

that more or less kills me

with delight,

that leaves me

like a needle in the haystack

of light.

It was what I was born for -

to look, to listen,to lose myself

inside this soft world -

to instruct myself

over and over in joy,

and acclamation.

Nor am I talking

about the exceptional,the fearful, the dreadful,

the very extravagant -

but of the ordinary,

the common, the very drab,the daily presentations.

Oh, good scholar,

I say to myself, how can you help but grow wise

with such teachings

as these -

the untrimmable lightof the world,

the ocean's shine,

the prayers that are made

out of grass?

Seeking Joy

2010-02-07T21:20:00.001-05:00

There have been two women that have mentored me on this walk.One is my friend Marty (who lost her fight with cancer two weeks ago) and the other is Sally Clarkson. I have been a fan of Sally for years . Her blog posts and books have helped shape the mother and woman I am and hope to be. I have been reading and savoring Sally's latest book "'Dancing with my Father." As I read, so much of what I am reading resonates with my heart . The book is about living a life of true joy. I often lose my joy, I love the Lord , I read and pray. Life is just hard. It is discouraging. I get discouraged because my own ideals are often different from my reality. I get the most discouraged about motherhood, I love being a mom, I love my kids , but I fall short of my own ideals so often. And let's face it being a mom is hard. So I get discouraged and instead of looking up with joy and hope I keep trudging along. It is these exact moments of difficulty that I want to have joy, that I need to have joy. Not a contrived joy , a forced joy ,but true joy in the Lord. I was thinking about joy this morning. I picked up a copy of “Streams in the Desert” and the page was marked to January , 18. I shared this with my sister four years ago ,about a month before she died. I remember how discouraged she was (she had terminal cancer) she could not summon the energy to go to her son’s birthday party. I read this to her over the phone and she was encouraged , my husband read it at her funeral. The whole devotional was wonderful but I wanted to share the last part;

Defeat may serve as well as victory

To shake the soul and let glory out

When the great oak is straining in the wind

The limbs drink in new beauty,

and the trunk Sends down a deeper root on the windward side

Only the soul that knows the mighty grief

Can know the mighty rapture,

Sorrows come To stretch out spaces in the heart for joy

My sister had her mighty rapture a month later, mine will most likely take a little longer . I want to take all that comes the little irritations, the hurts, the grief , the disappointments and let them stretch out spaces in my heart to be filled with His joy.

My list continues.......
126. Sunshine
127. Great books
128. Birds at the feeder
129. The encouragement of these words -Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you...(John14:27)
130. Quiet mornings
131. Lunch with a friend
132. Early morning chats with my husband
133. family dinners
134. encouraging words
135. watching two little girls play dress up - the ensembles they come up with are quite amusing!

2010-02-03T09:05:00.001-05:00

William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

When You Are Old

WHEN you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face among a crowd of stars.

This is one of my favorites.....

Multitude Monday

2010-02-01T06:56:00.001-05:00

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else- Emily Dickinson

I have been reading this wonderful book by my favorite author and mentor. I read this passage yesterday. Sally writes:

What an amazing, charming, wonderful God that He would go to such detail to bring delight to so many moments of my life. To understand Him as the source of these pleasures and to have a grateful heart for bringing sch dimension to my days fills me with humble appreciation. How often I have ignored His presence in these small everyday happenings, yet how careful He was to design my life to be so enjoyable. (Dancing with My Father, Sally Clarkson)

So today I want to thank Him for the small everyday happenings that make my life so enjoyable and rich......

113. A small quiet "Thank you Mommy" from my 4 year old. How sweet her little voice is,

114. a note of encouragement slipped in my inbox

115. birds singing

116. a hot cup of strong english breakfast tea

117. a warm bed

118. the library and all the beautiful books to read aloud

119. the gift of being alone in my house for an afternoon (this rarely happens)

120, Friends who share old memories

121. my husband and son home from overseas

122. laughter

123. a full moon

124. a walk in the snow

125. snuggling in bed with my 4year old......

Seeking Christ

2010-01-26T03:16:00.000-05:00

I went last week to say good-bye and thank you to my mentor and friend, Marty. I was able to stay at her house for a few hours and chat with her and visit with her lovely family. As I was preparing to say goodbye, I told her how much I love and admire her , how much I want to be like her. How do I live a life like that? Her answer was simple, " just keep seeking Jesus." I have been pondering this a bit. I could have asked Marty one hundred different questions, how do I deal with this difficult child? love my husband more ? organize my house? become more patient? the list goes on. In the past ,Marty would have given me some practical advice from her years of mothering, but she still would have pointed me to Christ. That has always been her theme. But near the end when time is short and her strength ebbing she says simply, "Seek Jesus."

So simple, yet so difficult because I get in the way all the time. I seek me, my wisdom, or I seek someone else's wisdom. I seek quick solutions, tidy plans. I need to seek Him. 'I have been reading John 13-16. On what was without a doubt the most difficult and devastating night of their lives , Jesus is speaking the disciples some his last words and they are pretty much the same as Marty's. Remain in me, in my word my love, love one another , love me , obey. Seek me. The Father and I are making our home in you. The spirit is with you...

On pondering a life well lived I want with all my heart to seek , knock , ask , I want that to be my default mode, not my last even second resort, That is my prayer...................

Sweet Marty went to be with the one she so diligently sought on January 23rd. The memorial card at the church had this verse..........Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also , adn he praises her (proverbs 31:28)

What I am praying and pondering......

2010-01-21T15:08:00.003-05:00

Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes , in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a cheerful smile, but give your heart as well....
-Mother Theresa

Poetry Wednesday

2010-01-16T21:44:00.007-05:00

Being, a message to myself
Luci Shaw

Like bees busy on purple heather
there are those who seldom rest
who leap about accomplishing things,
affixing stamps, defrosting a loaf,
pulling a weed, flipping a switch,cramming a screen with a frenzy
of words. Doers who hope
to change the world, job by job . . .

You can barely hear the others,
like trees, monuments with veins,
rooted, shedding a scented
shade, a spring ceiling of green,
a seasonal rug of gold.
I’ve always felt an affinity for rain,
its palpable relief at letting go.

The round oak table by the window resting
all afternoon under its shifting tablecloth of sun.

I am not knocking those who do, we need to do. But I can be too much of a doer sometimes. My husband and nine year old son are in Kenya right now, I still have four children at home. I was hoping to get all these projects done while they were gone. Things I cannot concentrate on when I am teaching math to a nine year old boy wielding a light saber. Sometimes when I am doing , I get wound up tighter and tighter , I go faster and faster and then it all falls apart. I love the line about the rain and its palpable relief at letting go....
So although my days are filled with doing, I am going to make an effort to sit, ponder and let go.

you can read more poems here

Multitude Monday

2010-01-16T20:27:00.011-05:00

Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. 1 John 2:6

I received word this weekend that a woman who is very dear to me is losing her battle with cancer. When we moved to Kenya in 2000, I met her. This dear woman, mother of ten children, was a mentor to me. I was a new missionary, homeshooling two young children and I had a new and very fussy baby. She encouraged me and the other moms by her kindness, gentle words, and help. I have always said "I want to be Marty when I grow up!" I am so far from it! I have been praying for her and remembering all the special memories I have shared with her. I made a list of the qualities I saw in her, the things I want to be. I realized through Marty I was seeing Jesus. I want to be like Jesus , and I want the fruit of His spirit so evident in me as it is in Marty. This morning I am driving with my dear friend Pam to see Marty. I want to hug her ,tell her I love her and let her know how much she has meant to me. I know I will not be the only one, she is surrounded by her large loving family and friends who love her. Today on my gratitude list , I want to give thanks for Marty and list the ways I saw her walk as Jesus walked; the ways I pray that I too will walk ....

101. gentle and quiet spirit

102. love for home, family and husband, she is intentional about her love 103. She loves the Lord with all her heart

104. She never came empty handed , she always had a book, a loaf of bread , a word of encouragement

105. She always had time to talk, she is a great listener. Her words of advice and encouragement would always point to Christ

106. She pours her life into relationship

107. A diligent worker for her family

108. A compassion for the needy

109. She always spoke the truth with love, she could tell me something that may be difficult to hear but coming from Marty it was gentle and kind

110. She loves beauty and brought it into her home and life
111. She has a willing heart, she was willing to mentor us...

112. Her heart is full of gratitude and praise

Poetry Wednesday

2010-01-12T19:55:00.011-05:00

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I WILL arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,

And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,

I hear it in the deep heart's core.

-William Butler Yeats

I love this poem. I love the way the words flow together, I love the picture it paints. The first time I heard it, I was in the car and Garrison Keeler was reading it on the radio. His voice sounded so peaceful . At that moment I was stressed, I was taking my kids to piano,or somewhere. I am sure I was late and the car was loud. The line " And live alone in the bee loud glade" sounded appealing to me. I am a stay at home type of gal who likes quiet and order. As a homeschool mom of five kids I do not get much of that! I love the peaceful feeling this poem gives me. I have my own "Innisfree" Every year we go to northern Michigan for two weeks and it truly is a place of rest and peace. So when things get a little loud here I think of my "Innisfree" and hear it in my heart's deep core......

for more poems go herehttp://enanoslivo.blogspot.com/

Considering the great love of the Lord

2010-01-11T07:08:00.010-05:00

Whoever is wise , let him heed these things and consider the great love of the Lord. Ps.107:43

I sit here in the early morning desiring with all my heart to heed these words, to consider His love. Yet in the busyness of life I often forget.....so I am thankful for this opportunity to give thanks and consider.....

91. His love for me by blessing me with five children (me, who was barren)

92. His love for me by giving me wonderful women in my life to encourage me

93. His love for me by giving me a godly upbringing (as crazy as it can get with family sometimes, my parents did bring me up in a christian home)

94. His love for me in giving me my sister, Julie ,for 38 years, as much as I miss her and grieve her , I always thank Him for her

95. His love for me by saying " No " to so many things I asked for , things I thought I needed.

96. His love for me that He works all things for my good , everything He brings into my life has a purpose

97. His Love for me in that each day is a new day ,with new mercies that I do not deserve but He so graciously gives

98. His love for me that all this earth is filled with beauty and I get to enjoy it.

99. His love for me by giving me my husband

100. His love for me that even though I fall , He still loves me .

Poetry Wednesday

2010-01-05T14:52:00.004-05:00

I have been in bed the past two days with a nasty cold, it is not often that I am down like this. I can hear all the activities going on outside my room. I am so thankful for Davis and Anna, what great older siblings they are and what a help to me. I have been reading bits of a book by Ruth Bell Graham, Footprints of a Pilgrim. I have enjoyed learning about her life and her struggles as a mother. I have especially enjoyed her poetry. Below is a poem she wrote.....

For all these smallnesses

I thank you Lord

small children

and small needs

small meals to cook,

small talk to heed,

and a small book from which to read

small stories;

small hurts to heal,

small disappointments, too,

as real

as ours;

small glories to discover

in bugs,

pebbles,

and flowers.

When the day is through

my mind is small,

my strength is gone;

and as I gather

each dear one

I pray, "Bless each

for Jesus' sake

such angels sleeping, imps awake!"

What wears me out

are little things

angels minus

shining wings

Forgive me Lord

if I have whined

it takes so much to keep them shined;

yet each small rub has its reward,

for they have blessed me.

Thank you, Lord

Poetry Wednesday

2009-12-23T07:09:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to my oldest son, Davis, who turns 17 today. Seventeen years ago I held all 9 1/2 pounds of this bundle , my boy, and I was completely overwhelmed at the thought that I was a mother. I remember saying to my husband as I held Davis, "I am afraid to love someone this much, it will hurt too much." Seventeen years and four children later, it has hurt but it has also been wonderful. I have loved so inadequately most of the time. I am so thankful for God's perfect love for me and my children. I wanted to find a poem that would say what I wanted to express to Davis today, but all the poems about sons reduced me to sappy tears and I had to resist the urge to run to him and beg him never to grow up and leave home! So I chose the poem below, because I want Davis (and his mama and siblings) to always follow love, even though it can be scary and hard, but it is so worth it. Happy Birthday Davis, I love you!

On Love
By Kahlil Gibran

When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,

that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,

and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love,

for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself

But if you love and must needs have desires,

let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

You can read other poems here.

Falling on my knees.....

2009-12-20T15:59:00.011-05:00

O holy night the stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

O hear the angels' voices

O night divine O night when Christ was born

I sat yesterday morning in church sandwiched between my two boys, half listening to the music and thinking about what I needed to do when I got home. A woman stood up to sing "O Holy Night" and I was struck by the beauty of the song. In particular the line "fall on your knees" struck me. I thought, when was the we last time I fell on my knees in adoration of my Saviour? When was the last time I really was in awe of what He did and continues to do? It is not like I am not intentional or don't think about these things. I pray, read, ponder and am grateful. I think it is that some things are so familiar that we get used to them. How can I ever get used to God taking on flesh and conquering death? Yet, I do.... so today my gratitude list is about all the things in my life that are familiar, that I see daily and take for granted at times. May we prepare to be a womb for our Savior and may we fall down at his manger this week in gratitude for all he has done.......

81. I am grateful that I have been loved

82. I am grateful that I can sit in Church without fear, unlike many people in this world.

We read stories like these every morning and are grateful.

83. I am thankful that I have never had to see my children go hungry, or worry where the food will come from like so many other mothers

84. I am grateful that I can educate my children at home and for those who have gone before me so I could do this.

85. I am grateful to be warm, to have a roof over my head, as many people are without a home.

86. I am grateful for words, for books that are everywhere in this house. I am able to read and soak up what they have to offer.

87. I am grateful that the Lord has taken all my selfish "I will nevers" (homeschool, go on the mission field, adopt, etc.) and gently changed my heart and blessed me beyond what I could ever imagine by His grace.

88. I am grateful for the beauty that surrounds us daily, the birds, trees, sky, all proclaiming His glory.

89. I am grateful that I am a mother and a wife.

90. Most of all I am grateful that "The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us"

(John 1:14)

May you all have a wondeful Christmas!

Poetry Wednesday

2009-12-14T22:24:00.009-05:00

I had my poem picked out over the weekend, I heard this lovely little poem at a Christmas concert. I had planned to have our family do our annual tradition of cutting down the tree, decorating and eating homemade cinnamon rolls. God had other plans for my weekend and I had to put my plans away and serve and give to someone else. (which I did very begrudgingly at first ) The Lord knows what I need for my salvation. So no picture of our Christmas tree to accompany this post. I love this poem because it shows the wonder of children and Christmas. Enjoy and read other poems here

little tree

by: E. E. Cummings

ITTLE tree
little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower
who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see I will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly
I will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don't be afraid
look the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,
put up your little arms
and I'll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won't be a single place dark or unhappy
then when you're quite dressed
you'll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they'll stare!
oh but you'll be very proud
and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we'll dance and sing
"Noel Noel"

Gratitude

2009-12-14T10:44:00.008-05:00

No matter how hard I try to keep life simple and quiet during this season, life seems to get busier and busier. This past weekend I had great plans for what I wanted to do with my family but God had other plans. I spent my morning prayer time complaining/ whining a bit about it all. I realized again, that all is grace and how important gratitude is. Not just when things go as planned but especially when they do not. I know He holds it all in His hands. Here are the things I am grateful for this week....

71. For days that don't go as planned (my usual response it not always one of gratitude)

72. for morning quiet (Help me Lord to be thankful for the noise that will come when all are awake)

73. for the wonder of children when it snows (help me Lord to see the beauty of wonder and not the mess of snow boots)

74. for early morning and late night talks with my teenagers (help me Lord not to inwardly grumble at the sleep I am missing)

75. for a house full of music (help me Lord to appreciate this for someday all these musicians will grow up and move on)

76. For two children born during this season (thank you Lord for giving me this opportunity to relate more to Mary as I think about the birth of my children this time of year)

77. for the piles of books, papers, laundry for this means there is life in this house (forgive me for all the times I complain about the clutter)

78. for the right encouragement at just the right time (For the Lord's ways are perfect)

79. for the wonder and miracle of the incarnation (forgive me Lord for all the times I think I need to make this season magical when You are the season and every season)

80. for a husband who loves me and makes me laugh every single day....

The picture is of Ella, who turns 4 on January 1. I love this picture because her face is full of wonder...( and I think she is beautiful)

Poetry Wednesday

2009-12-08T22:20:00.006-05:00

I have always loved this poem, the beauty of the words, the image they paint in my mind. I read it every year to my children. It always brings tears ( I am a little sentimental!)

You can read other poems here

In the Bleak Midwinter

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.
In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, Whom cherubim, worship night and day,
Breastful of milk, and a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, Whom angels fall before,
The ox and ass and camel which adore.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;
But His mother only, in her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

Christina Rossetti

photo: a favorite hike near Lake Michigan

Poetry Wednesday

2009-12-01T17:52:00.006-05:00

Here is my poetry contribution, because I find peace in the beauty of the outdoors.....and I probably worry too much.....

The Peace of Wild Things

by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Have a peaceful Wednesday and look at other poetry here.

Gratitiude

2009-11-25T07:07:00.008-05:00

After reading Molly's blog, I decided to accept her invitation and post a gratitude poem. Actually the first thing that came to mind were the lyrics to this song by Rich Mullins. The poetry of his lyrics always touch me. So today I am so grateful for the One who has begun a good work in me will complete it. God gently chips away my fears, doubt, selfishness, and is gently , by His grace hatching my heart. Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving to all of you. You can look at other poems here.

"Well the night was cold and my heart was
Hidden very safely in a shell
But I knew somehow I'd have to run that risk
Have to open up myself
Look at the stars on the face of the sky
They're the same ones Abraham saw
Come under my wings I will make you shine
Give you strength enough to love

Oh now I'm getting strong enough
You helped me chip my way out and open myself up
And for the snow that comes with winter
For the growth that comes from pain
For the joke I can't remember
Although the laughter long remains
For the faith that brought to finish
All I doubted at the start
Lord I give you praise for all that makes
For the hatching of a heart

Well my face was smooth and featureless
Just like an egg
And if I was moved you would never guess it
By the look upon my face
But You said man looks without but I look within
I can see the love you hide
It's a matter of doubt it's a symptom of sin
It's a problem of too much pride

And I now I'm opening up wide
Wet feathers pulled out from beneath me
And You're teaching me to fly
For the strength that comes with friendship
For the warmth that comes with hope
And for the love time can't diminish
And for the time love takes to grow
And for the moonlight on the water
And for the bright and morning star
Lord I give you praise for all that makes
For the hatching of a heart

And for the moonlight on the water
And for the bright and morning star
Lord I give you praise for all that makes
For the hatching of a heart"

The Hatching of a Heart, Rich Mullins

Gratitude

2009-11-16T10:29:00.004-05:00

Be praised for all Your tenderness by these works of Your hands
Suns that rise and rains that fall to bless and bring to life Your land
Look down upon this winter wheat and be glad that You have made
Blue for the sky and the color green that fills these fields with praise

And the wrens have returned and they're nesting
In the hollow of that oak where his heart once had been
And he lifts up his arms in a blessing for being born again
And the streams are all swollen with winter
Winter unfrozen and free to run away now
And I'm amazed when I remember
Who it was that built this house
And with the rocks I cry out...........
The Color Green...Rich Mullins

I am so grateful for beauty today.....

Losing Will

2009-11-12T07:25:00.008-05:00

You must never lose faith You must never lose heart God will restore your trust And I know you're afraid I'm as scared as you are But willing to be brave Brave enough for love

Lyrics from Jane Eyre: a Musical Drama

Seven years ago this month I handed my ten week old son, Will, to my husband and watched him walk out the door with the baby to take him to a lawyer who would give him back to his birth father. The pain of that moment is still vivid in my mind. The tears of my older two children, who were 9 and 7. The questions, the grief. We went away to a hotel that weekend, trying to distract the kids with a pool and some family fun. I was miserable and remember hoping that when I got home, by some miracle Will would be on my doorstep. That maybe God would return him to me and I could get on with my life, bypassing this terrible pain. Those first few weeks were horrible. I would walk outside on the chilly November nights, look up at the sky and wonder if he was okay. Did they know how he liked to be held? That he was fussy at a certain time? I knew in my heart that this child would never remember me or the three children who loved him and called him their brother. We had taken a risk by trying to adopt and love another child. I remember resolving not to love so much anymore because love hurts so much; it is heartbreaking. I could not understand why God would allow this to happen. But it did happen. I look back on the journals I wrote seven years ago, and I wince when I see the pain poured out on those pages. However, I am also astonished by the hope I see. I clearly had hope. Maybe at first the hope was that God would save the day, rushing in and changing the circumstances, returning my baby back to my arms. Then hope that He would not leave me comfortless, that His compassion would not end and there would be joy in the morning. All I know is seven years later, I still do not understand the why. . . but I do know that although love is always a risk, love is worth it every time. Love changes you and everything around you.
I also know that we cannot lose hope, even though we seem to be gasping for breath and the discouragement threatens to overcome. We must hope in a God who comforts and redeems. It is a lesson I have had to cling to in the past few years not just because of losing Will, but also losing my sister to cancer. Not just those big things either, but the little deaths that happen daily in this life. To love and to hope is my prayer this morning, and to be brave enough by His grace to love...

Lamentations 3:19-26

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

It is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Gratitude

2009-11-09T13:04:00.011-05:00

The oldest and the youngest

A kiss from Ella

Running in the Park

When I wrote the Wendell Berry quote last week, I did not know I would be so quickly tested. My mom was still in the hospital and my Dad was admitted also. Two parents in the hospital, a 3 hour drive to help them , no Julie by my side ( I know she is in heaven praying for me) Fatigue, stress, etc. And yet.....there is beauty in ashes and above all I know God is good.
This week's list.....
61. A beautiful fall weekend
62. time with Anna (she went to help)
63. Praying friends
64. Both parents home from the hospital
65. Dinner out with friends
66. The laughter, noise, and mess of a family of 7, especially after the days in the hospital
67. Loneliness that drives me to Christ
68. Blogs that encourage, there area few women that encourage me daily and I have never even met them!
69. Watching my girls jump in a pile of leaves, I swear it was just yesterday that my two oldest did that!
70. Beauty

Gratitude

2009-11-01T18:30:00.020-05:00

Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts. Wendell Berry

I have been pondering the above quote. I tend to have "anticipatory" fatigue and stress when I consider what is ahead of me on any given week. I am determined to laugh, and be joyful no matter how busy my life may get. I want to live in and enjoy the present moment and be joyful. This is my list this week.
of houseful of really wonderful teenage boys (it is so fun to feed boys)
52. A walk with Anna
51. Feeding
53. Autumn beauty
54. Six weeks of homeschooling and I am still not behind! (this is a big deal)
55. Improved health for my mom
56. Encouragement from other women
57. Laughter
58. The Lord's mercy to send the right book, post, or word at the right time
59. a little boy's soft heart after a hard day of stubbornness
60. stretch jeans (too many fun size candy bars!)

Gratitude

2009-10-26T15:21:00.007-04:00

I did not think I would take the time to post my gratitude list this week. I returned exhausted from a stressful weekend taking care of my mom in the hospital. I was feeling overwhelmed , with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was missing Julie (my sister who died 3years ago) desperately , wanting her with me as I dealt with all the problems. Not to mention worrying about , my own five children at home three hours away. I have spent all day trying to catch up. I was thinking , in the midst of this day, these hard moments , is exactly when I need to be grateful, to express gratitude to the One who upholds me and blesses me with His grace. So here is my list for this week.....

41. The opportunity to help my mom
42. The long hours in the waiting room , time spent with my Dad that I never get normally with five children running around
43. Friends that pray, call, support and make me laugh
44. A wonderful husband who scurried around so I could come home to a clean house
45. my own bed
46. His mercies that are new every morning
47. nurses and doctors who care
48. a meal that is not out of a hospital cafeteria
49. the beauty of fall
50. quiet

2009-10-17T20:49:00.004-04:00

I have been reading a lot about slowing down this week , thinking and praying about how I can be more intentional..... so I lit some candles, made dinner and listened to Fernando Ortega , one of my favorites. This song seemed to fit with my thoughts ...

Find me a place on the earth
Where a weary man can rest
And listen for your voice
In the turning seasons

A quiet place in the world
Where I can bow
And confess that I fear
Where you have brought me,
Mysterious God

All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

My days are passing by
Like falling stars
That blaze across the night sky
Then they are gone

But Father, at your side
I will never be afraid
For you have held all my days
In the palm of your hand

All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

All of my life
You have been with me
My comfort in loneliness
My hope in the dark
All of my life
Lord, please stay with me
Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

Be my sustaining breath
Guardian of my heart

A Place on Earth -from Storm,

The Joy and the Challenge of the Family Photo

2009-10-12T09:20:00.004-04:00

Gratitude

2009-10-12T07:41:00.006-04:00

31. a difficult day that pushed me to pray more
32. a walk alone on a windy fall day
33. the smell of applesauce cooking
34. unexpected house guests and the good conversation and food that went with it
35. cider and donuts at an old country church ( a family tradition)
36. good friends around the table
37. laughter in this house
38. music that fills this house
39. 4 weeks of homeschooling completed and we are not behind yet!
40. teenagers- I really love and enjoy my teenagers, they are my good friends

Gratitude

2009-10-04T23:09:00.004-04:00

1. The smell of autumn
2. Picking apples with the kids this week
3. A walk with David today
4. I am so thankful that we have had a few weeks of homeschool and we are not behind yet!
5. Laughter around a dinner table
6. Improved speech for Ella
7. Autumn recipes, soups, breads, apples and pumpkins, I love this time of year.
8. A hard heart softened by God's grace
9. A quiet Sunday to enjoy
10. Friendships

Listening to my life.....

2009-09-03T20:22:00.010-04:00

Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and in the pain of life, no less than in the excitement and gladness; touch, taste, and smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it. Because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.

"To live without listening at all is to live deaf to the fullness of the music."-Frederick Buechner

I am going up north to my favorite place to listen to my life. In the quiet and beauty of nature. With piles of books, great food, campfires, hikes and bike rides. We look forward to this every year. We are so thankful for this time we have together and the memories we share in that special place.

Praying for my children.....

2009-09-03T19:53:00.005-04:00

We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints - the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven. . . For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God. Col. 1:3-4, 9-10

I have been reading Colossians for a few days now, I am always struck by the strong love Paul feels for his "children". He is always encouraging and praying. I am struck by the first verses, when he thanks God for the good he sees in the church at Colosse. I have strong love and passion for my children, but often when I pray for them it is not to thank God for the good, or the Christ I see in them. I start my laundry list of things I see that need changed, attitudes and behaviors I want God to develop. I worry over them, my thoughts filling my mind and prayers.

I noticed also that Paul prays simply for God to fill them with the knowledge of His will. Actually he says, "I have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will." I have been thinking about this.

The time I spend worrying, thinking and talking about (or to) my children seems to be more than the time I spend praying. Once again I use too many words. I want to start my prayers with gratitude and thanksgiving for the Christ I see in them, the little victories on this journey. I want to ask God to give them the wisdom to discern His will, and then I want to be silent and trust Him. For their Heavenly Father knows what they need. He knows how to grow good fruit more than I ever will. I also want to spend more time praying, not talking. So instead of launching into a lecture, I need to be silent and pray.

These are the goals I am striving for:

Gratitude

Silence

Prayer

Prayer before words

Thanksgiving before supplication.

Silence and trust

Gratitude

2009-08-17T13:20:00.006-04:00

1. The quiet of a rainy day
2. Ella singing at the top her lungs while swinging
3. Michigan peaches
4. Kindred spirits -especially Kathy
5. Tea with a godly older woman
6. Laughter
7. A weekend alone to pray and plan for the new school year
8. A full nights sleep ( I have had a string of them!)
9. Running with Anna
10. David

Gratitude

2009-08-10T07:12:00.006-04:00

The Christian is the one who, wherever he looks sees God everywhere and rejoices in Him.....

I am joining Ann at Holy Experience and starting my gratitude list...

1. Early morning quiet
2. A weekend spent with Anna, we went to see Phantom of the Opera!
3. All seven of us around a dinner table, together again
4. Great stories ( many read alouds at our house right now)
5. Laughter
6. Davis' music
7. The green of summer
8. Walking down to look at the beauty of Lake Michigan with David
9. Watching the little ones run through the sprinklers, their delight and remembering all the times I did that with Julie
10. And speaking of Julie, I am so thankful for the 38 years I was able to be her sister.
(photo: a view from our bluff)

Return

2009-08-03T20:37:00.000-04:00

They are back!!! David, Davis and Anna have been gone for two weeks in Bulgaria on a mission trip and now they are back! How I missed them. I knew I would and I was a little concerned about how I was going to make it without my teenagers' help. Everyone kept saying "Oh, you really are going to miss the big kids, they are your main help." They are and I did miss their help. But I missed them in other ways.

I missed Anna's smile, she is always smiling and it is so nice to be greeted by a smile. Her children will be blessed by her in many ways but mainly because she smiles. I could learn a lesson from her! She is always singing too! I miss the fact that she is another womanly presence, I remember when I had her I thought " a girl, she will know what it is like to be me!" And she does , by that I mean she knows what to do , there is something reassuring about being with another woman in the kitchen enjoying fellowship and working side by side........Anna is there now, she understands what needs to happen and does it and we have this shared goal together, this purpose. I am so glad to have her as a daughter and a friend.

Davis, my firstborn , first of all ,I missed his music. It fills our house not just the actual notes but the words and heart behind it all. He is a dreamer and I missed his heart , it is large and full and thoughtful. He talks to me in the early morning. . I always come away thinking ,"this is my child, wow." I like the person he is . He is insightful , loves words and thoughts. I am richer in my life for it. He is tender with the little girls. There is nothing more heartwarming to me than to see a big man sized boy holding the hand of his little sister. His wife and children will be blessed by his tenderness. I could learn a lesson from him also.

David- well , all I can say is I missed all of him. Our 23rd anniversary came and went while He was gone, I have known him and loved him since I was a teenager and he has made me laugh every single day I have known him. He has made me laugh when I was mad , on some of the darkest days of my life. Laughter truly is good medicine. Sometimes I am so caught up in all I have to do that I can start to grumble inwardly and think he needs to help me more. But the way he helps me ( I noticed it in His absence) is that he makes me laugh, he holds me up, he listens. Every morning he listens , even for a few moments as I try to share what I was pondering in my quiet time., I missed those talks.

Sometimes it is easy to take for granted those God gives us. I am guilty of that too often, Sometimes we need to sit down and remember those unique qualities that make us grateful for those in our lives. and then tell them.

I thank my God every time i remember you. Phil. 1:3

Being a good Shepherd

2009-07-24T06:14:00.003-04:00

These are some thoughts I wrote down awhile ago, I am revisiting them as I pray for the Lord's strength and guidance as I walk this road of motherhood. I had been meditating on Psalm 23 and parenting.

Psalm 23 and Parenting:

1. Quiet rest: He leads me beside still waters, and green pastures.
A place to let them be who they are, love, listen, talk rest, touch, and show compassion. A place that is not too busy, a nourishing place with time together, meals together. A peaceful home and a peaceful mom. Also, literal food and rest, how often I expect too much out of a tired or hungry child.

2. Train in Righteousness: He guides me in paths of righteousness.
Gently show them God, immerse them in His beauty, majesty, and love. Pray, read, discuss. The Bible, great books, nature, talk and listen.

3. Walk the road with them: Even though I walk through the valley…you are with me.
Walk gently with compassion, this is discipleship, not running ahead, hands on hips –impatiently saying “Will you get it already??” When they are upset about something, feel it with them, when they are wrestling, wrestle with them. It is so disheartening to think that no one understands you. Walk beside, help, hold their hands through their struggles and listen.

4. Fill their cups: My cup overflows.
Let them overflow with mercy, goodness and love. What do they love? Try to love it. Listen wholeheartedly, praise them, give them comforts, warm cookies, a favorite meal. A smile, laugh with them, again LISTEN! Make them feel comforted.
Hug, touch , kiss them.

5. Prepare: You prepare a table for me.
Prepare them for life, in God’s kingdom, as the world looks on. Give them what they need, not what the world thinks they need. Choose wisdom over knowledge. Give them what the Lord shows me they need, not what everyone else is doing. Teach them. Train them. Each child is different, what Davis needs Anna may not need, seek God for what that unique and special child's needs.

6. Protect: In the presence of my enemies.
Hem them in with loving boundaries, they truly are a comfort. Protect them lovingly, gently. Pray and intercede for them. The boundaries will not be burdensome if their cups are filled.
All of this is to be done with gentleness, love, and delight in abundance.

I look at this and say “I cannot do this Lord there are too many needs pressing on me, I am too selfish, there are too many of them. "Only you, Lord, can take this small offering and make it an abundance. Help me to walk this path of motherhood to your glory and in your strength not my own. Thank you for each lamb you have put in my pasture. Thank you that you are the Good Shepherd. The sheep know you and your voice; help me to know your voice and obey.

Running to Egypt

2009-03-21T13:23:00.000-04:00

I recently attended a WholeHeart Mom conference, (http://www.wholeheart.org/). Sally Clarkson was the main speaker and she has been a mentor to me over the years, through her books and blog. I arrived a little weary, as it had been a hard couple of weeks leading up to the conference. I was so encouraged by what Sally shared. As it always seems to happen, the Lord brought similar thoughts from different sources and they all come together at one time. It was a time of renewal for me and a reminder of God's purpose for me as a mom.

One morning I sat with some young moms that had little children. When they heard I had a high schooler in our home school I noticed they were really thirsty for ideas and and thoughts about how we home school. I tried to encourage these moms about the heart of home schooling. Home schooling is not what math you do, how many grammar pages get done, or what another family is doing. Home schooling and mothering is about the heart. It is about the relationships. I tried to share this with these moms (although Sally did a much better job of it later in her talk). Focus on relationship, read great books, spend time together. Of course, it's not that education is not important. I am not saying that at all, but that pointing them to God and helping them to love is much more vital.

I often hear from other moms that they never have time for any Bible, character training, or great stories because math needs to get done. In the past, I have done it myself, we get a few days behind in math and devotions go out the window!! As I was sharing all of this I was chuckling to myself, because it is so easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you are not doing enough or hearing someone else's well meaning opinion on what you should be doing for your child and then falling into despair! I have literally been reduced to tears because an acquaintance told me her child had written an 8 page paper about "The Light Houses of Michigan" and I was immediately thrown into a fit of despair because my children had not written any 8 page reports, let alone one on lighthouses! I was chuckling because just that week I had done the same thing (again)! I was stressed about some comments someone gave me about a child of mine. I immediately felt I had failed this child and he would never make it in life because I had not given him the "proper training."

I want to call these moments my "going back to Egypt" moments. I read in Isaiah earlier in the week and these thoughts stood out to me.

In chapter 30 , He says, "Woe to those who carry out plans that are not mine, who go to Egypt , seek the shade of Egypt, flee on fast horses, rely on Egypt for help , who do not look to the Holy One for help or seek Him." (Is. 30:1, 2 31:1) So often that is what I am doing in my "Egypt moments," running, scared. Trusting in my own understanding. Carrying out my own plans. relying on other voices. Looking for the easier road. Constructing idols of my wisdom, my plans and my pride. Not leaning on Him. He is my sure foundation.

So here are my thoughts on some verses out of Isaiah. This is what I need to fix my eyes on when I want to run and panic.

Come to Him:
Pray, ask , seek , knock. As soon as the Lord hears you He will answer you. This is the way. Walk in it (Is. 30: 19, 21, Ps. 25 : 9-10, 12, 14). He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
The LORD confides in those who fear him; He makes His covenant known to them.

Rest in Him:
Is. 30:15 In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.

Is. 30:18 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion, For the Lord is a God of justice, Blessed are all who wait for Him.

Trust in Him:
Phil. 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Is. 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it.

Remember His blessings:
Is. 32:17 The fruit of righteousness will be peace, the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.

Is. 33:6 He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.

I pray that by His grace I will learn each day to trust in Him, remember that He loves us and longs to be gracious to us, and that no matter what issue comes up in our family we will look to Him.

Just a few thoughts from my prayer time and the conference, I hope to post some more thoughts on the conference soon.

Praying for Hope

2009-03-12T10:14:00.008-04:00

My heart has been heavy this week. On every side of me, people I know and love are hurting: broken dreams, strained marriages, hurting souls. I have had more than one person say to me "I feel hopeless," or "I am so discouraged," or "I feel my world is turned upside down." These are big hurts and hard situations. In addition to this, there are the the daily worries of my own household: a child's behavioral issues, another child who is afraid of death. As I sit and listen to people who are dear to me pour out their hurts, I feel like anything I could say is inadequate, mere words. I want to rush in and offer solutions, a way to fix things. So I say humbly "I am praying for you," and I really mean it, but it seems to fall short. I guess we live in a "fix-it" society. We want answers. We want solutions, and we want them now. I saw an advertisement on the back of a car that said something like "Get Rid of Your Phobias Now or it is Free!" That is want we want something quick and painless.

Solutions. I even pray solutions. I could spend all day asking God to intervene with my solutions, my answers, my "fix-it nows." God heal this person, soften this heart, etc. I was pondering all these thoughts this morning as I was praying and reading. How do I pray for these situations that are hard and never seem to change? What hope can I offer? These words always come to me in hard times , words I have said over and over in times of trouble.... "

You are good and what you do is good. Psalm 119:68

I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord on the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:13, 14

I lift my eyes unto the hills where does my hope come from, my hope comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1, 2

To say you must have hope is good but it falls short. Hope is not something you can make your self have. It is a gift. Hope is a gift and we need to ask for faith in the One who gives us this hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

He is the one who gives hope, so maybe what I need to pray is that God will give the gift of grace, hope, and faith. To point to the One who gives these gifts. Also to point to joy. Our whole world can fall in around us but nothing can rob us of the privilege of praying and placing our trust in the one who works all for our good.

Many times I look at a situation and wonder why God is not doing something to change it. Why does this all have to be so hard?? I was pondering that this morning and this is what I read:

Habakkuk 3:17-18
17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

The question comes to me, "Can you sing His song?" In the midst of all that robs us of joy, can we rejoice?? Everything in this life is grace.... He works all for our good. He is God and His purposes will stand (Is. 46:9,10) His mercy and grace are new every morning. His love never fails. These are the words that bring hope. These are the words we need to remember as we fix our eyes on our Lord. We will not be consumed. These are the words for which I need to pray, and of which I need to speak. They can do so much more than any solution I could ever offer.

Lamentations 3:19-24 (NIV)
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion : therefore I will wait for Him.

Focused, Intentional Love, part two

2009-03-03T13:47:00.014-05:00

John 13:1-5
It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.
The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

So he got up....the scene is set, the time has come to be betrayed, beaten, mocked, and killed. How did He do this? How did He take the time to love like this, especially on the very night with all that was about to unfold? He knew His purpose. The Bible says Jesus knew. He knew who He was, where He had come from, and where He was going. So he got up and loved the disciples in a very personal way.

I was created by God to live and walk this path as the mother of the children He has placed in my home. As wife to my husband and helper and encourager to my brother-in-law. God put me here at this place and on this path, for a reason. This is my purpose. He has put these souls in my care for just a short time and I am to love and nurture them. To show them Christ as we journey together. No one tells you when you are looking at the cute baby outfits in the store that it will be hard at times to love your children. I did not know how hard this path would be, how much of my own sin would stare back at me. Love is hard, because you cannot check it off, because you will always have to grow in love. Every day, every moment, you will have the opportunity to love so much.

How do I do this? By grace. I follow the example of my Savior. He did not complain, or feel that this was a burden, but that it was an act of love; focused, intentional love. So by His grace, I need not complain about how much work I have to do, and not get overwhelmed or anxious about the task ahead of me. By his grace I need to remember my purpose, by His grace I need to set forth to do it in His love.

John 13:35 By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Focused, Intentional Love, part one

2009-03-03T13:18:00.014-05:00

Having loved His own who were in the world, He now showed them the full extent of his love John 13:1

Focused , intentional love.... that phrase keeps going through my mind as I walk through my days ......focused, intentional. Often I am not focused but distracted, not intentional but reacting.
Jesus-on the most difficult night of his life-showed this kind of love. He washed his disciples' feet. In humility and service, the Lord of the universe performed this act of service. He did not have to do it; the disciples did not deserve or understand it. Peter even protested. But He did it anyway. It was very intentional, very personal. He did not seem to rush through it. He took off his outer garment and wrapped it around His waist, washed and dried, each dirty foot being very dear to him. He knew what was ahead and yet he stooped down to do this. This is the full extent of his love, this focused and intentional love.

Many times a day I feel like I am serving my children. But am I focused? Am I intentional? So much is swirling around me, laundry, meals, squabbles, school books, etc. I run through the assembly line. Teeth brushed? Check. Bed made? Check. Math done? Check. How often do I stop, take off my outer garment, kneel down, hold the feet of these loved ones tenderly? Really listen? Connect? Hear the words they are trying to convey? Too often, my agenda is more important than their words. Jesus did not wash their feet because they were dirty (and indeed they were). If that were the only reason, someone else could have done this chore. He did it because He loved them and saw them as souls to fill with love, not projects to be checked off.
Help me, Lord, to understand this, burn it in my heart, help me to love as you do.

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. John 13:14-17

(picture: three-year-old Ella's feet)

Like A River Glorious

2009-02-27T20:03:00.010-05:00

Philipians 2:1-3 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete, by being like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition but in humility consider others better than yourselves

John 15:17 This is my commandment, love one another.

We are commanded to love one another. It seems like a simple command, but so hard to do. In this house we love each other, or at least we try to. But not a day goes by when words or actions, many times my own, show a lack of love. We can be irritable in this family, easily offended and sharp tongued. The seamless garment of family unity that I long for is frayed, thin, and has a few holes in places. These thin palces show everywhere: sharp words to little ones, sarcastic comments, locked doors, ignoring a cry for help becacuse eyes are glued to a screen, a rude "shhhh!' to a loud voice. It shows in more subtle ways: not listening, not looking in each other's eyes, not slowing down to connect.

It is easy to justify this. We are together ALL day. Ten different people, all different ages and personalities. All sinners. A teeneager wants his "own space." A mom needs a break from the relentless responsibilities. A brother doesn't want to play with his sister. We are cooped up in cold and snow. But these are all excuses. We are acting out of selfish ambition, not considering others first, but thinking of only what "I want." We are sinners, frayed selfish sinners.

I think, on the harder days, "How did we get here?" Mainly I recall my own poor example. Are we too busy, too busy to connect with one another? Are we not taking the time to look to The One who connects us? This family overlows, like a river that skips it's bank. It is a river that never seems to stay in the neat boundaries that I desire for it. It runs on, this life of ours, like a wild river...and I feel powerless to stop it. But He is the one changes hearts and the course of a river (Pr. 21:1). He is the one working in us, completing the good work that He has begun in us. My confidence needs to be in Him (Phil 1:6) not in my self, a new book, or system. He put us here together in this family, to learn to love each other for His purpose.

So we try by His grace to mend what is frayed. Start with me Lord. Change me. Show me where I am selfish. Show me how to choose others. Mend the holes. Strengthen the weak places. Make us one, having one spirit, love, and purpose. We are a river, a strong river. Help us to flow together.

Like a river glorious is God’s perfect peace, Over all victorious, in its bright increase; Perfect, yet it floweth fuller every day, Perfect, yet it groweth deeper all the way - Frances R. Havergal